S.W.I.M. - Spoken Word In Motion

Abandonment

2011-11-18T15:28:00.001-08:00

Thinking about the kids on the streets
cold wind blows, they feet meet the concrete
Bundled up in tattered clothes, it's all they eva known
never felt the warmth of love or tenderness that can be sown
Deep wells of anger, hatred bottled up inside
Now they sit in the dark, find the prey, to Seek then to Hide
watchin' otha youth, wishin' they went to school
had an education and not the street degree people think is cool
Scars on they body, wishin' they were somebody
but these marks make it hard to forget they just a body
An empty shell, they can't show no real emotion
only thing they think they know about God is he don't like em, keep it in motion
As the cars zoom by, a tear streaks as they ask Why
"I'm a good kid, I swear, just dealt a bad hand, but I try!"
Deaf ears listen intently, so the words fall flat to the earth
left for dead in a dumpster, dead from the moment they mom gave birth

As you walk by that child, you glance but keep it movin'
Know ya shoulda spoke, but got worried about what ya doin'
"What if people see me? How can I declare my faith?
This childs already given up hope, it's written on their face"
And so yet another saved soul passes, without ever reaching out
That kid dies 4 days later, stabbed by a mugger, cuz nobody would shout ..

Internal decisions

2011-11-18T15:13:00.001-08:00

Like the wings of a beautiful flightless dove, broken
Worded sentences that are put out of place, misspoken
At times we close our eyes and rely on what can't be seen
blindfolded to ourselves we scream inside, at times demean
devalue, but in everything it has its value
Though take care with your words, or let them loose, shall you ..
Conspire to be greater, aspirations of the taker
Let loose in the kitchen, all the ingredients, you the baker
Enemy corrupted, minds disrupted
Peel back the lids and see for yourself how you've been instructed
The way it's conducted, as though your minds been abducted
Subjegated in its place, broken down and reconstructed
So we get down on our knees, raise our arms and heads to the sky
Jesus you are the leader, and in all things you know why

Society

2011-10-06T10:22:00.001-07:00

Let me start off, with saying that this view is expressly mine. This is in no way shape or form a reflection of anyone else, or any Church affiliation. That being said, let's begin

I am extremely sick and tired of "Homophobic" teachings, and just "Homophobia" in general. You choose to live your life one way, and I another. If I throw my religion in your face constantly, telling and yelling @ you that you must accept it, you cry fowl. You claim that I am not being fair, and that you deserve a voice. On the other hand though, you think it right that you can bowl over any/all who oppose your standpoint? You can not be a follower of Christ, and be homosexual. It clearly states so in the bible. It may "feel good", but a lot of SIN does. That does not make it right. If you want to openly (or behind closed doors) be gay, then you are allowed to by all means. You are NOT allowed however to coin a term "Homophobia" at any and everyone who disagrees with you being gay. I have no fear of you. The only thing I fear is my creator and saviour. Who are you to tell the government, and the CHURCH, what they must teach? Why is the government so weak that they bow down? Homosexuality promotes no future. Man + Women = Child. Child = Future. Man + Man = no offspring. Woman + Woman = no offspring. If everyone was gay, there would be no US. None of heterosexual people I know, will taunt a homosexual person. I've seen homosexuals yell, physically harm, and torment straight people though. Threaten them, as well as their children .. simply because we do not agree with homosexuality. There is NO future in homosexuality. I can not, and WILL not stand for it. There is no bias. I don't agree with ANY sin. The difference between me falling off of the road sometimes but getting back up, and walking towards God still, is that I KNOW I've fallen. I KNOW I've sinned. I repent, and try to never make that mistake again. Actively sinning, falling off the road, loving the place you are off the road, and thinking God is cool with it, is completely wrong. How can you read the bible, believe in God and Christ, and sin so happily while claiming him as your Lord and Saviour? It's impossible. He died on the cross so that we DON'T fall back into the sin you're so gladly living in. Do you feel no remorse?

The whole reason for this, is this whole thing with the Liberals in Ontario. How DARE you tell me I have to teach my child about accepting homosexuality as a proper way of life. That is NOT for you to decide, that is for me as a parent. Not only have you gotten a weak government with no spine on board, you're also corrupting Catholic Churches, and kids being home-schooled. My child will know not to bully, and to love everyone. That's because of the Agope love of our Father God. Love the sinner, hate the sin. I know people who are homosexual, and while I completely disagree with their lifestyle, I love them with all my heart. I pray that they come to their senses, but I do not bully them. Homosexual advocates often claim that there are more suicides due to bullying, feeling unloved, and unwanted. How do we not also take into account the homosexuals who ARE the bullies, make heterosexuals feel unloved, and unwanted? Why do they get to play the helpless victim, while secretly sliding the initiative of acceptance on us. It isn't about acceptance. The world has long since accepted homosexuality. The thing I see happening is a corruption, through mis-information. Homosexuality is a CHOICE. There are no two ways about it. You are NOT born homosexual. There are absolutely no scientific studies to support that. Homosexuality may be okay in your life, but you do NOT have the right to teach my children it is okay. This is in DIRECT contradiction to my beliefs, and my teachings. My teaching my child about God, and Gods love, is all that they need. There are radical Christians out there who seek to devalue and deface homosexuals. I disagree with them. I think anyone who has a true understanding of Gods love disagrees with them too.

Marriage, is between Man, Woman, and God. If you want to be "married", then coin your own term, and use it. Marriage is from God. By trying to fight for same sex marriage, it's also yet another way of forcing people into having believed that the Church is okay with homosexuality. It isn't. We aren't. And if they are, they aren't abiding by Gods written word. This all upsets me so, as I have a young daughter who was just born into this world. If things continue as they are, with God being removed from schools, and Homosexuality replacing him, I am most certainly uprooting from Canada and heading back to the states. If I can't homeschool my child, because even that course of study will be mandatory for them to be taught, else they fail, I'm definitely leaving. To have the government tell me I am not allowed to remove my child from school, because of what they are being taught, is outlandish to me. The whole thing we should be concerned about is BULLYING. Not the root of the bullying, but BULLYING in general. If a kid stops getting bullied because he is gay, but is getting bullied now because he's obese, is that okay? No. We need to place proper values and morals into our children. Things like the gay pride parade, are horrible. That is not child friendly. Half naked people walking the streets? Fully nude people at times. Sexual acts performed for all to see? No. Never will I accept that. By my belief, you are living your life wrong, and when the time comes of judgement, you will pay heavily for your sins. Hell is not a one night party that's fun. It is eternal, and painful. The way I raise my child should have nothing to do with the government so long as they are tolerant, understanding, loving, caring, and allowed to love their Father with all their hearts.

Reading blogs about how people who are openly against homosexuality get chastized, is bewildering. They want their voices to be heard, yet they stiffle ours at every avenue. It's not right. Again, to say you'll rape someones child, because they do not approve of your lifestyle, is too much. WAY too much. I follow Christ, but I am still human. If anyone, and I mean ANYONE ever laid a hand on my daughter against her will, it's game time. You can live your life your way, but don't you dare try to tell me how I need to approve and comply with yours.

Richie ..

Deep

2010-10-18T12:46:00.001-07:00

Slowly going deeper

Looking into the things that have formed me in the past

Trying to get passed my past

This weather forecast predicts rain

As the dams of my eyes break

The floods come rushing

Looking for the revelation

The opportunity to claw my way up

As the earth keeps falling back to fill the hole

Sky turns a brilliant blue

Birds chirp their enthusiasm at my attempt to come free

Free from the bondage

No more shackles

No more chains

No more bondage

I am free

Standing atop the ground

Looking at the pit which I once called my home

I realize the journey hasn't even fully begun

Each step leads to another step

Roadblocks may come to hinder progression

But the lesson is not in regression

It's in getting passed those obstacles

With your eyes clear and steady on the prize

On the goal

Jesus.

We keep walking to follow you

You don't punish us for falling

You embrace us when we get up

So easy to sit and wallow

That leads to sinking in your own tears

Stand up and fight

Move your feet forward

Keep marching

Keep .. marching

Breakthrough

2010-10-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

Just ..
waiting for the time to finally break through
The ..
moment to fully realize the potential
Look to the sky, see it shine
stars and moon aligned
and in due time
find the rhythm that I can call mine
Fleeting moments of sadness
encompassed by torrents of joy and happiness
Walking the positive walk, no longer hovering like a hawk
Real talk
Empowered
I have the power
Sun shines growth on flowers
Never to cower
I shower
The entire globe with my love spread wide
Wings splayed open with nothing more to hide
Lusts and indulgences put aside
Cast away along with stupid pride
In stride
walking a better walk
Ears cleaned and ready to listen to God talk

Bed

2010-09-12T22:43:00.001-07:00

Off to sleep while I silently weep

Praying prayers for the lost as they face a new week

Hear me

2010-09-11T02:07:00.003-07:00

Now listen .. no time for repetition
the precision in the mission is like nuclear fission
an explosion .. knowing time is golden
beholding the notion that was lost in the commotion
I'm open letting all these people see me
part to the past that lead to the deceiving
I'm breathing, seething, tears start streaming
bleeding sweat in thought, my minds still dreaming
believing, an omnipotent being
I can't see you but I'm still fearful without seeing
perpetual love, from my daddy above
always watching over me especially when times got rough
I turned my back, even times I talked smack
hit me with the force to knock my moral train off track
I was derailed, impaled my negative thoughts
changed the wheels, same tires, so the nail was still caught
I'm runnin' on flats, no spare left in the trunk
convoluted emotions filtered with a layer of junk
then I drop to knees, tears streaming down my face
floodgates to my eyes broke loose an gave chase

Society - unfinished

2010-08-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

People now a days are struggling with they strife
not realizin' perpetuation stays in the sight
But at night it's like
everything is lookin shady
corners littered with children holdin' they own babies
At the age of 9 I was fine
grew a little older and felt the emptiness in my mind
start expandin .. something I couldn't imagine
partially grasped the gist but not the full understandin
so I wandered, squandered, lost in the fog
trusting societies perception of God
That was wrong, but I didn't know better
How could I trust in God when I had more faith in my beretta
Watching people around me, all failing profoundly
while they to surround me with their ignorance abounding
I was bounded, confounded, an so astounded
by my own inadequacy that was so seemingly founded
I found it..

I was so alone, finding my solace in poems
writing lyrics reaching out for something that I didn't know
being told .. I was stagnant could never grow
felt life was cold, and that's as far as it would ever go
And then one day, something really simple changed my life
Saw the shine an thought my life would be ended by knife
went threw my skin, but the pain didn't begin
went out of my mind, grabbed the knife and stuck it in him
when I got back home, and then it was known
Thought I wasn't harmed till I saw the gash on my arm
it was the dead of the night, so I thought it was alright
woke up the next morning faced with a lingering plight
my life now suddenly seeming to have more meaning
Couldn't ignore the truth when my wound was still gleaming
it's beaming, such a radiant shine ..
could have been worse if I hadn't moved my body in time
guess it's time ..

Tears

2010-07-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

Tears slide down my face with a relative path
guided by gravity and my sorrows from past
carving a way, down my ebony skin
leaving trails of sadness to let the healing begin
Salt deposits felt, so time to scrub my face
I'm just tired, so I yawned .. oops, was this poem out of place?

:)

Forged Heart

2010-07-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

To live to love
to love to live
to give to take
to take to give
I live this life
I give this life
I love this life
He touched .. this life
Feeling blessed, as though I need no longer worry
excitedly grab my papers in my bookbag in a hurry
Scrub my face, rush out the door
Poptart in my mouth as I plop on the floor
Pull out my pens, my paper, my notes
stick my tongue out to the side as I'm bursting with hope
Eyes open wide, glistening with youthful joy
ears properly cleaned to navigate the canals in his hoy
Weighed down by the knowledge that just keeps on growing
Raise my hand eager to show that my learnings weren't plateauing
As I'm called I stand, and tidy my bow ..
"I've forged my heart with God .. so I'm good .. ya know?"

Ya boi!

Sometimes

2010-07-23T00:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes don't know which way to go
tossed and turned lost amiss the turbulent flow
Lefts and rights, gazed in the maze
eyes waxed over as the subtleties get phased ..
out
Iron out the kinks
losing identity to the masses and being restricted from think..
ing
Turning into a monotonous drone
A clone of those who are prone to all the things that the Lord doesn't condone

Look at the sky
wonder why the hues are so deep
Saturated with goodness as we flock to be his sheep
guidance .. and reassurance of the land
keeps us pressing forward to the given task we have at hand
Losing ones identity in who they are to be from the Lord
is something quite troubling, and something that strikes a chord

You .. you think you know better than the creator?
The one who is smooth like velvet, the original debater?
Much of a debate it isn't, as you could never find the words
to suppress his incredible love and knowledge filled inside of ears of verbs
Like the corn splits, so do our shells
exposing our soft insides that we often try to sell
Black market ..
Giving up what God gave us as our gift
the very life that Jesus died to save, and thus creating a rift
Our differing view to what we believe God has planned
as though true ideals of justice could ever be based off Man

Don't forget who God made you to be, the reason for your call
the embodiment of Jesus Christ our Lord, the rock that never falls
When help is needed, just stretch out a hand
he's always reaching out for you, our tender loving father helps us stand
adversity all around, our brothers and sisters unite
grasping our other hand and slip into the night
Shining our lights into the darkest of hearts
inserting Gods wisdom back where it was always from the start

Collapsed minds lose themselves to the insanity that's a foreign object
Tool of the enemy placed inside to try to make us forget and defect
We are prefects, and as precursors to his love
comes the removal of our burdens, the weights gone .. above

Why

2010-04-24T16:57:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we feel the way we feel at times
in line with rhymes that feel like pelted dimes
Often wonder, the depth of blunders
shake and quake like the Earth inner layers down under
Something inside me growing, not knowing it's intent
unknown to be known, yet known that it's present in a sense
Welling up, I meditate on what it may be
praying that it's the opposite of latent negativity
Over come what has been, try to produce the not
begin with new beginnings, take a fated shot
So many emotions going on inside, after the border ride
skip jumped ship now just trying to quell the uneasiness inside
Huge move not seen by all
that transcends another state, and transfixes on the fall
Niagra, no longer simply up above
but now resides below, and it's something I must come to love
Can't and won't deny, that I'm missing my true home
the place where I was born and raised, the place I knew as my own
Sitting around, lazily all day, with nothing else to do
So I sit and I contemplate .. what if I had never left you
I do ..
I do.

quick

2010-04-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

Internal decisions
without the minds permission
set back in remission
that the independence is in omission
..my mission
is to clearly expose the plot
the subdued thoughts once thought
channeled to be fully presented in the slot
the path to the present
the passage way to the world
outspoken through the mouth
and poured with humbleness unfurled
Pacing back and forth
inside my mind thoughts race
step back take a breath, relax
and let yourself be known in Gods grace
sometimes lose face
and in your lowest hit your high
in the acceptance that He loves you
even if you can't fully grasp why

Weirdness

2010-02-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

Only she ..
can ..
fully grasp the depth that is me
the complete completion to the perfection that is we
All of our odd mannerisms, and behavioral traits
melted down and solidified into our emotional state
She rawks, I rawk, yeah, we rawk together
I'm up, She's up, above the turbulence, like a feather
She gets me, I get her, no matter how off the wall we seem
that mutual understanding, and all the hope it gleams
I pick the phone up to call, and then it starts to ring
I send her I love you, look at my phone, and see the same thing
Drive in the car, no destination in mind
just enjoying each others company, regardless of where we find
.. ourselves ..
never knew this could be true
the oddity to my oddity, the one to complete me .. who is you

Respectfully respecting the wishes we both had in the first
when our paths collided and gave birth to love in burst
Freeze frame ..
emotions looked at and dissected
reflected upon with intelligence and then mutually digested

Eagerly, I slowly await the day
when from a long days work, it's her arms I can finally lay
Like the moons gaze upon the night time sky
So is the way she brightens my darkness and without having to try

Never-the-less, she loves me .. quirks and all
the tiny strange habits I have, and she wraps them in a ball
Now inside this ball, she takes it into her own womb
to help nurture it and birth it, and remove it from it's tomb

Exiting the tomb, it becomes tenderly infused with her own

Easily creating the basis and foundation of this poem

.. so ..
when I think back, and look at just how odd I am
It puts a smile on my face, to see her beside me .. woman and man.

Love

2010-02-09T08:31:00.000-08:00

With a love that transcends the distance
it's within our emotional persistence
that we dissipate any resistance
and hold the proof of our existence
Our love grows beyond the realm of conventional bounds
and expounds on the grounds that its foundation is perfectly sound
Her and I together, breaking through any given troubles
with our love holding us up and delivering us through the bubble
Gods graces, shows up transparent on our faces
and reflects the depth of our love within the deepest of places
Transmitted, within our love it's so requited
the beauty in this life is something that by God, is permitted
That smile of yours warms my heart on the coldest of days
and the solace of your touch keeps me sane in many ways.
Define beauty, and your picture appears next to the text
the personification of gorgeous, exemplified and flexed
exercised, and put through its random paces
You're my angel sent from heaven, and blessed to have your graces
You make my heart flutter, when you utter my name
You make my life complete, when you laid down the game
plan .. of where you wanted our life to be
and that's how I knew, at last, I was complete.

Hold me

2010-01-25T15:02:00.000-08:00

Latch on ..
and don't ever let go
grow with me so that the seeds we want to plant can be sown
shown, known to the unknowns within our own abilities
the chance to bloom on this world
and to share our stories with such realty
The reality, is at times we lose trust in our way
it happens unbeknownst to us
this sudden rush that's about to make us sway
Wihtout thought, we push ourselves to the back of the bus
logic failed
and compels us to say things sus ..
so suspended .. away from all the things that hurt
we can alienate the negative feelings
and bring this right back to the dirt
the soil, very foundation from which we rise
held tightly in your arms
and begin our lives anew with no more guise
looking into your eyes
felt tightly be your love
your embrace helps me grow
when the compacted dirt seems to be too rough
as we hatch, from that seed into a plant
we break through the soil and reach our limbs out like a branch
to you Lord
we reach to you and seek your word
your guidance helps us grow
to that redwood tree amongst the herd
the pillar ..
a sense of solidity that others look to for strength
so hold me as I hold you
and let's regain all of our backwards length

RAOK

2010-01-25T14:53:00.000-08:00

Random acts of Kindness .. or RAOK
even when something minor
helps me get through the day
Just one little blurb, is all it will take
to have the worst day
suddenly do a retake
I do the best I can, and I can do the best
it just takes a little effort
and remembering that I'm blessed
Sitting here in bed, I remember all the chances
when if it wasn't for God
my life would have already dropped all its glances
Eyes closed, with no more breath left in my lungs
I'm sorry to have disappointed you Lord
on the wrong things I was hung
up on .. so upon my rebirth I entrust to you
these random acts of kindness
to hopefully help others also .. get through ..
to you

Intentions

2010-01-25T14:47:00.000-08:00

What do you, intend to do, when these people show their colors in true?
Walk away, or face and stay, to bring sunshine to their lives each day?
I wonder why, so many try, and seem to always fail
Makes no sense, without pretense, the tragedy that lay in suspense

I have so few people in my life, that I try to cherish the ones that I do
though at times I have failed, and I know that it's pale, but trust me when I say to you
You're my friends, you're my pals, you're the people who keep me sane
You're the strength I can depend on when my roots are soiled with too much rain
In, West Philadelphia, born and raised, on a playground is where I spent most of my days ..
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' .. wait .. that's the Fresh Prince jingle .. my bad
Born and raised in Queens, then moved out the Island
constantly back and forth, and in younger days I would be whillin'
Acting a fool, and doing things I know I shouldn't
but my friends stayed my side, and without them I really couldn't
have regained .. the me I truly longed to be
While I questioned their intentions now I know that I am free
of the thoughts .. because I know it's a genuine care
we just pray the best for each other even when we don't say it in ear
Intentions intended with only the intent of the intended
I never thought that I would miss yall, as pillars that I depended
on .. but even when gone I know you're close
like by extension of finger to face, and placed squarely on the nose
Right before my eyes, just have to look and there you are
it brings solace to my heart knowing that you will emotionally not be far
So now with your intentions known as pure, I can lay my head down in ease
because I know your words intentions, and it sincerely makes me cheese

Walking down ..
this path that I really don't know
Something so new to me that I have to endure it while I grow
The pains and pangs, that so slowly chew away at my heart
have to be braved and trampled on
until the healing can begin to start
As I purse my lips to the mouthpiece of my brass
I inhale all the negativity that I've accumulated up till the last
Moisten my lips, and slowly I close my eyes
drown out the world as I prepare to play my life
Out comes the breath, with such force and disclosure
A"s, B's, and C's, belt out of my Baritone with no composure
Then to E's, and F's .. and the G's even too
Low notes slowly sooth out as the melody takes its tune
playing out the story of my life, with tears streaking down my face
letting go of the past and firmly putting it in its place
clearing the spit valve as I continue with my song
wondering why I've held back this pain for oh so long
Why ..
what was the purpose of this story?
why did it take so long to play it out in all it's glory?
No fingers, valve 1, valve 2, valve 1&3
valve 2&3, valve 3, you know, just to be complete
random notes, but somehow they echo my life so pure
exemplary perfection is my songs final perfect score

Reality Slip

2010-01-23T17:41:00.000-08:00

It's with tears in my eyes by no surprise that I lift the guise and tend to the lies
Intertwine the vine that wraps around my spine into my core and deviates when it finds
the thin line veiled, unveiled only for purposes not yet known the ones who failed
tempted temptress, possessor of all evil intent indeed
mounted troubles grow and pressure on shoulders pushes down past your feet
weighing you down in the troubles, as you get swallowed into the epicenter of its wake
the void filled only with darkness, like a blackhole in your heart is at stake
or in jeopardy .. either or it makes no difference
it's the repetition of the innocence that fouls my injectors with its insistence
A good man standing tall through all things told to him, and troubles he's faced
only to feel like no matter what pains he passes, his faith is misplaced
on my knees begging the Lord to please help me, see me through this pain
tears filled in my eyes and still I can't find ground to regain
problems are always mine, pain only known to me
like the docter with the mallet, silently but forcefully tapping your knee
"Did that hurt?" he asks, with a puzzled look on his face
"It hurts every time dude", as the tears from my eyes are displaced
I grab at my chest, and feel my heart beating a millions time over the pace
I try to calm down, but feel like an addict who missed his turn in place
I'm jittery, jumpy, I'm all over the room
I'm up and I'm down, I'm just not in the mood
I cry and I tear, I sulk and I slump
I beg and I plead, for God to help me up
fallen so many times, and at times I really feel that God doesn't care for me
that I've done something to wrong him, and happiness he refuses for me, Richie
eyes turned red, as the floodgates turn loose
I speed and I weave, as my car throttle control will steadily smooths

Dark nights, filled no longer with headlights
no light to be seen, so it's literally driving blind in fright
feel like there are others around me, but no ambient light to be had
so I clutch my steering wheel and I get even more mad
Angry like the little child refused that silly toy
so I sit and I sulk, for the world to pass by as they enjoy ..
the things that I wish I could have, but it's seeming I can't
so I turn to my emotions, and I post on my rant
I've wronged God I'm sure, because he loves making me cry
I didn't pray enough, didn't go to church enough .. I need a reason why
Why can't I be happy .. why must pain seep into my heart
why do I sit here crying while others aren't nearly so torn apart
Why can't I find God, why can't I enjoy your grace
am I just entirely such a sinner, that I am no longer saved?
Into the depths of the alley, I creep and I lay
holding my head down without your glory, and it seems as though there I stay
I've tried to find you Lord, I've tried to correct my wayward life
I just don't know how anymore, so I sit here with my veins and a knife
Not a physical knife, in the shape of a blade
but a knife in the shape of faith, because it seems the strings are now frayed
teetering on the edge, of happiness and sorrow
it seems I always get the latter, day after day, yesterday and tomorrow
I don't know if I'm saved ..
I don't know if I'm loved
I don't know your true glory
I need more than a shove
my heart cries right now for your guidance, I need an Angel so much right now
please God, I beg you .. someway .. somehow
I'm miserable every day, I wake up and I'm cold
I cry silently to myself, because your glory I can't behold
I'm left behind all alone .. pondering seriously where I went wrong
I feel like I find you at times, but you don't stay with me for too long
Lost in the crowd, I'm the 5 year old in New York City
so many happy faces passing by, yet it feels like nobody has pity
no kind hand to grasp, no police-man to show me the way
I've fallen off of the righteous path, and I feel I'm drifting more each day
Crying .. crying .. crying my eyes so pure
I don't know what to do, or how to explore
the kingdom that is yours .. I really just don't know
I miss you ..
I miss you ..
but just really .. I don't know

"Where do I go from here?" I think as I grab my keys
I just need to get out .. I'm begging you please
Wasting gas is a must .. as being in the silence is to much
slide the key out my pocket, open the door, sit, engage the clutch
Key in the ignition ..
turn it to on
hear the starter crank
then the motors runs strong
Watch the RPMs, as they sit at 1200
think to myself .. "God doesn't love you, sorry, you're alone kid"
Slowly idles drop, as the secondary air injection pump shuts down
idle steady at 900, engage reverse, and turn up the sound
back up a couple feet, then I open the gate
walk back to my car, and make sure my tires are properly inflated
back out of the gate, being mindful of traffic
hah, even though I'm so depressed, I don't want my end to be so tragic
park on the edge, then close the gate back
hop back in my car, now for the plan of attack
straight down the block ..
a right
then a left.
Come to the stop sign .. look .. then dip around the cleft
Another right, then a left .. straight to parkway in sight
cross over the bridge, and then call it a night
Feeling the gears engage as I let off the clutch
pouring my heart out to my car, and feeling it's emotions in such a rush
Having our hour long conversation, talking me through the pain
to finally reach my destination, and finally put an end to this sudden rain

Now on to bigger things, things that reveal the true reason behind the flight
the reasons why I'm posting this at 9 o'clock at night
It's the happiness that is gone, and the longing for the Lord
for God to embrace me fully, and tell me his joys I can afford
as I sit here I cry .. I cry and grab my chest
I love you God .. please love me
Please .. please. I beg you my Lord. I want ..
no.
I need .. to be blessed.
so I rest.

err

2010-01-08T10:27:00.001-08:00

I'd actually wanted to post more, but I got caught up at work and lost my train of thought. :( .. Meh .. oh well!

Our Love

2010-01-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

The way that our love feels is like ..
that feeling you get when you see your grandmothers smile
so deep and warm into the depth of your being
that all seeing and never depleting feeling that's constantly reeling
and congealing into something that's persistent in its meaning
She makes me feel warm in the coldest of cold
slowly caressing my body with her words, embracing me with things she says
tenderly tracing the outline of my body with her idioms from toe to head
And instead, I feel her heart beat slowly as we snuggle up for bed
all my roads in life finally brought me to the one I should be led
Chocolate skin, deep love filled eyes ..
heart full of joy and pain, yet all we do .. to no surprise
is speak about the future which we know we're destined for great
slowly sit back and relate the things we know that we can't change
God has a plan, so we let it unfold as the plot
of that late 60's movie with the bad guy and the cop
Deep hues of black and white, saturate the crimson night
frame by frame motion as the plot thickens in its might
bam, zam, kaboom, kapow!
Our love breaks down all barriers and transcends them with ease on brow
mmm ..
finger lickin goood ..
man .. I love our love with love
this love reminds me of being hurt as a child, but getting right back up
with my mothers tender kiss, the pain slowly eases away ..
and entranced once more by the joy that has broken through the pain
While we have our ups and downs, our tender kisses heal our wounds
like the loving parents adore, by rubbing the stomach when a baby is in the womb

New Year

2009-12-30T10:26:00.000-08:00

It's about to be a new year, a new time, a new mind
mentality elevated and forgetting the pains in due time
so while we shine, we step out of our older shells
we multiply our faith and we accentuate ourselves
Step out of your shell that you kept yourself in past
and turn into a new being that can transcend and make it last
Let go of the things weighing you down in 09
and in 010 start fresh and then you'll find
Happiness renewed, and the pains can melt away
so long as you seek forgiveness, he loves you every day.

Society

2009-12-29T12:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I sit back and look at society as a whole ..
how it is spiraling down and how people have turned so cold
desensitized .. to the truth in their own religion
they've lost faith in the Word, and bring apart our division
Now I speak this true, my depth of faith isn't as deep as should be
but when you look around nowadays, it's non-existent in some I see
All the wars and terror, the pain and dismay
the hatred and venom, that people keep putting on display
Afraid to have our children play outside during the day ..
for fear of the "gang bangers" on the street
We keep our kids nestled close inside
and then wonder why they are engrossed with the t.v.
WE need to make the environment a safe place for them to play
so that they can spend their fun times, outside every day
It's getting to a point though, where we fear looking at someone wrong
for fear or retaliation, just for looking at someone too long
Looking over our shoulders, as we are walking down the street
in unknowing angst, for something that we can't see
See a bunch of kids, hanging on the corner in front a store
cross the street without realizing, and feel their motives are impure
It's something that we are building, and tearing down at the same time
it's a sad future without our help, this is when we all must shine
So put our heads together, and let's stand up for the future leisure
let's work hard for our children, so they have a place to play pleasure

Love

2009-12-29T10:40:00.000-08:00

This love is deep.
It ..
feels ..
ohhh .. soooo ..
great.
The feeling of feelings that is something I must elate
Can you relate?
It's something nestled so deep down to my core
I implore .. nayy
I adore!
The very way she guides my feet
It's something so beautiful that it could never turn me sore
She is that ..
thing that when you wake up in the morning wants to keep you in bed
The reason you smile when you see a child healthily being fed
And now we're wed?
Man, life just couldn't be greater
At this point in my life, only thing greater is the creator
I'm happy ..
Though at times I know I'm sad
but the sadness can't outweigh the good
so I smile because times are not so bad
Dude I'm glad ..
This woman makes me feel complete
just .. so .. happy man
I love her from my very core
and it's that genuine love
You know, that stuff that's uber pure
for sure
I'm looking forward to the things to come
With the smiles that cross my face
She has such grace
In this place
without haste
she quickly lays waste
to things out of pace
that can't fill up the space
and close the distance ..
without resistance she has impacted my life in so many ways
I love this woman, Thank You God, for all of my days
I can ramble on and on, and just keep going on with blurbs
She's my wife and my partner, of who there are no words
She smiles at me in the morning
Holds me tight during the night
Rushes me when we're late (because of her of course)
and is to me, always the hottest date
The only one who can turn my mood around when I don't want it to
when I am .. you know .. trying to stay in my grumpy mood
When she's near she drags me out of it, and I love her for it
Just one quick glance at her face, with the smile drawn wide
is enough to vanquish any darkness that may have been lingering inside
I've cried countless nights, just in thanking the good Lord
for bringing someone in my life to bring calm to my discord
I LOVE YOU .. I'll say it time and time again
you're my lover and my wife, but most importantly you're my friend.
I love you .. I love to love to love to love you
I love you .. I love you .. I truly sincerely do.

Tight

2009-12-29T10:07:00.000-08:00

I just can't wait for the days to hold you ever so tight
when I can lay in bed and you'll always be in my sight
Our deep connection and bond, way beyond physical sense
I love you, yes I love you .. and there is no other pretense
You are the happiness in my day, the light when times are void
The air that helps me breathe when I feel alone and destroyed
Your embrace is so warm, inviting and ever so tender
A fact that is accentuated by the fact that you're so slender
I feel comfort in your arms, and rejuvenated by your touch
I feel anew with your gaze, and feel alive with your love
So I am just longing for the days, when I know I will feel right
the time when it's every day, that I can finally hold you tight

inVested

2009-12-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

While time may be short .. it's really been quite long
this inVestment we have Vested in this vessel all along
Deeply connected, body and minds reach their peak
of understanding for one another that transcends what words can speak
Sometimes we seek .. something further than our grasp
but with return of initial inVestment, it's no longer a painful task
Giving what you are getting, but then still giving so much more
not seeking anything in return, but doing it for love in pure

Lifetime

2009-12-18T09:34:00.000-08:00

Living my life, in time I guess we can finally see
the decisions that we make and how they impact us negatively
All that we can, is move on towards the still coming
and glance back over our shoulders to make sure we are still running
As certain times get nearer, I guess these tensions rise
though I see the sadness, that still lingers in your eyes
I'm putting my want on hold, putting the future in high regard
but that same thought of logic is what's making this so hard
To not be near is cruel, to be far from coming much worse
and even though it's coming, this time lost still really hurts
I go through days without you, my beautiful Queen in life
and I miss you so much every day, not just because you are my wife
But because you are my heart, you give me strength when I am down
and no matter what hard days lie ahead, it's always simple with you around
Time is moving slowly, it's like everything is a blur
if only we could change the flow with ease in simple words
So I sit here with my heart wandering, my mind is in the clouds
bursting at the seams with how much I want to scream out loud
I MISS HER, I LOVE HER, I WANT TO BE BY HER SIDE!
WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG, MY FEELINGS I CAN NEVER HIDE
SHE MAKES THE TIME SEEM SPECIAL, SHE WARMS MY HEART WHEN COLD
SHE IS THE LIGHT WHEN THERE IS DARKNESS, SHE IS THE SOIL THAT HELPS ME GROW
To finally be together, and enjoy each joy right beside
one another is something, that finally we won't be deprived
So as we count down these days slowly, and make headway to the day
we just turn to God and his greatness, and for this each night we Pray.

Out

2009-12-07T15:17:00.001-08:00

I think I'm going to go for a drive. I'm off to brooklyn.

Tears

2009-12-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Painful thoughts, injected into the very core of being
interpolated objects seemingly subjugated into the weaving
Eyes bloated and blotted, allotted certain time for depression
within their own regression they find the purpose of their suppression
Teetering on the edge of sanity through moral oppression
only to find that faith really is the most supreme weapon
Finding it hard at times, when the times are hard
as though you're grasping at straws and trapped while off guard
Affecting my very being, time given no longer allowed
distance makes for distance and again lost within the crowd
Back-burnered, put aside and presently forgotten
so misery allowed to amass, and turn sour .. rotten
Degraded, regarded as another in yet a chain of remorse
painful thoughts drudged up and set themselves a course ..
to the epicenter, the omphalos of the struggled
a bundle of negativity that needs to be cast aside, not juggled
So there go the tears, at the despondency of being unable to speak
withering away inside, as the inability to reconcile peaks
At the spire, I aspire to do so many voluminous things
but I feel limited, like I'm stuck inside this ring
This thing, is a self-imposed barrier I'm sure
yet even though I know it, outside of it I can't explore
I'm watching as the waves break, crashing against the bow of my boat
just waiting for the big one to make me subside, knowing I won't float
I feel like I'm being cheated on, that life is favoring another
like the cold feel when you realize that they are no longer your lover
Again it's in my mind, and I know I need to turn to the Lord
but at times I get lost, and fall hopelessly in my own discord
Eyes bulging with the want, heart burning with the desire
inflamed with the love that he deserves, so I aspire ..
To be greater, my life is more than just for me
but sometimes I forget that and lose sight of the we
I know I'm destined for greatness, and this isn't me being cocky
it's more like I feel a calling, and I'm listening for the spot to see
Is it coming from here, or that door over there
at the present moment, all can I do is sit and stare
I wish for this, and then I'll wish for that
I wish for things when I shouldn't, and put faith in his fact
No words can explain this chill I feel at times, or why it exists
it makes me feel dead to the world, and it really persists
When I was younger I believed that I would do so many deeds
those of whose greatness not many could supersede
So now I plead, and I ask you for your joys
this is filled with so many I's, like the prayers of a little boy
But I can't help but feel alone at times, like I'm trapped in my room
like I mentioned in a previous poem, and I'm surrounded by gloom
Many others have done the things that I am about to do
until experienced for one-self though, it's always going to be new
I need to let go, and not stress so much in life
a lesson I guess I should learn from the teachings of my wife
Just coming from my past, to fully let go is just so hard
it's like expecting an ant to pull an airliner for yards
I'm trying my best, but it's just taking so much time
that it puts others down around me, and makes me seem out of line
I'm just asking for understanding, to walk by my side no matter what
because of incidents in past I have the tendency to be considerably shut
Now, within relation .. to my present status quo
the balance of faith needs to categorically exponentially grow
I know, I know .. please believe me .. I know
I'm growing, believe me, it's just going type slow
So with tears in my eyes, I type these idioms in disdain
pleading for forgiveness .. I need an umbrella for this rain

At Work

2009-12-04T08:58:00.000-08:00

While I sit here at work, pondering the steps to take
I realize just how little of my brain I use, and it sort of makes me shake
In debate, with other portions of being
Stepping back from faux reality to see the truth I'm seeing
I have so many things ahead .. boggling to the mind
I get stressed on a daily basis, though it's something I hide in kind
Nights going to bed teary, when I know I should put in my faith
I'm getting so much better .. it's only a little more it'll take
Yet I sit here and feel dismal, knowing I'm capable of so much more
Wondering when things will break, and I can see what's finally in store
I implore, and wish to know it at present
yet that is something I understand won't happen when I maintain the mind frame of a peasant
Unpleasant, as the story may unfold
I have to interject the neg, and inject it with my soul

So, with all the things I have to get ready for, I'm also planning on business ventures.
My boys and I have a couple schemes that we have to cure, involving no more debentures.
We sat back one day, and reflected on just about all the people we knew.
Gasped all of a sudden, due to the fact that we had so many avenues we could accrue
Fielding in business, finance, and health
Science, English, Math, even more books off the shelf
Gaming and sports, Graphics and design
Public relations to Sanitation, it's amazing at all of the things we could find
So we slowly stockpile our knowledge, because we know we are going to make it happen
This business model we're building is something in the past I couldn't imagine
or fathom.

it'z zee aud-e-oh

2009-12-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

To Save

*** BELOW IS THE IMPROVED METHOD A LA KIZZY EL!! FOLLOW HER!! ***
**temporarily taken down .. I dislike the auto-play, lol**

This is just a little spoken that I do from time to time ..
a simple way of venting, an expressing issues on my mind
don't wallow in the past, just let your sins be dead
and don't let the continuance of your hatred still be fed
but be forever shed
Step out ya box man an listen
his word is always around, so don't lock yaself in faux prisons
now given .. situations may arise
but if theres one thing I've learned, it's that he's always known to surprise
people came into your life, now .. think of the reason
maybe he's just telling you that it's finally ya season
you're ready to bloom .. not swept up by the broom
now YOU'RE the handle, and you're sweeping up the gloom
Envision the room, you'd been trapped in in past
it's withering away as you put ya praise on blast
The devil can't win, so long as you trust
so put ya faith in God and you'll be blown by his gust
Heavenly flow .. the air around you is aglow
by shining with Gods words, you can't lose, ya kno

Audio

2009-11-30T14:24:00.001-08:00

Yeah so .. I totally did an audio compile .. and now have no idea where it saved to, lol. I wasn't fully excited about how it sounded either, but meh. Kizz, I know I'm a couple days late on the postings .. lol, sorry.

JAD

2009-11-30T14:17:00.002-08:00

Just Another Day

Even thought today was dreary, dark and kind of sad
I need to rethink the possibilities of the possible, which make me glad
With guidance from up above, we create our game strategy still
Cleverly craft our skills, and make use of them at will
When we really sit back and think of it, we have so many connections
Back and forth, up and down, at times .. different directions
But we finally can come to one, and make this venture come to fruition
Call it luck or a guess, but I call it simply by intuition
Given .. to me, by the man I love the most
The man who is beyond any man, the man who made me a host
A host to carry his sayings, his ideals, and his beliefs
For we are all of God, so mind what you do beneath those sheets
Hold your head high, because we are all in this together
Land bridges, and sea expanses, can't change the world forever
We can, if we just put our faith in him
The creator of all creators, the one who won't let our brilliance dim
So to all my fellow people, of this world we stand
Though the question still remains .. will you hold on to my hand?

Gloom

2009-11-30T14:17:00.000-08:00

Lately, I really don't know what it is. Seems to be just a dreary and damp mood infiltrating my very core. Everyone around me is also in some sort of stupor. I don't know if it is the changing times, or just life getting to us, but it is clearly evident that something has happened. Now I try not to live in the negative aspects of life. In fact, I've been doing quite well in living in the positives. I haven't been dark and depressed as much, and have been looking to the future with much more hope and anticipation than I think I ever have in life. There are the times though, however, when for whatever odd reason it may be, that I just can't. When everyone around you that you know and care for are down, you can't help but be infected by it. Well, me at least. I really hope that this funk is over soon, as I miss laughing.

Hello

2009-11-23T07:33:00.001-08:00

Audio

2009-11-12T17:48:00.001-08:00

I wonder if I should do some audio spoken word to add here ..
keep it plugged, that's something I think you should hear.

Who needs a title?

2009-11-12T17:47:00.000-08:00

Mind disturbed, but still steady on the path
just follow God Rich, just follow God, and acknowledge his math
It all adds up, mathematical equation in his duration
our God who has been here and instills such inspiration
Longevity, it's in his presence we find the equity
Invest in the long term, short term gain is unfounded
get a little green now but remain poor and never grounded
Think back, to the times when it was rough
who do you think helped you through? God .. that's enough
of a
reason to spark your interest, to gain your market share
without his divine assistance life would be way too much to bear
Trust in him, and believe in his word
He'll move you each day, trust me .. I'm a nerd.

;)

CWL

2009-11-06T17:31:00.001-08:00

C hurches sometimes come across as rather all about the money
H onoring the wrong things and making religion out to be something slummy
U psetting as this may be, not all of them are bad
R especting true faith .. there are many that make me glad
C oming from all walks, and never bearing the same face
H elping others find their freedom by realizing his .. Gods grace

W hen I was younger still, I thought I'd never find the one
I figured they were all the same, and that my faith was truly done
T hen came a Church with reason, purpose, and desire
H olding on to precious values, and with such uplift .. they help inspire
O ne after another, they greet and say "What's up!"
U nprecedented love, and they don't leave you a half empty cup
T his is what I was searching for, a place to really belong

L oving God side by side with people whose love for him is STRONG
I 've made so many mistakes, and poor moves in my past
M aking the move to this church though .. it's like the perfect set has now been cast
I t's ..
T hings like this, their love, and a place to call your own
S triking the Devil down with their praise, and placing God in our hearts .. his home

.....................................................................................

CWL .. though I may not be there in a physical sense, my spirit rides with yall
With Renee helping me find my faith, I feel ready to drop the ball
It's a movement, and I'm riding the tide
Diving in head first and letting God take me for a ride
A journey and a script that I could never have fathomed
and bringing people into my life who I would never imagine
Now take the first Caps letter, of every line written above the dotted line
And you'll have found yourself the best Church that a person could ever find.

Church Without Limits

@reneesophia
@joelwitton
@brendanwitton
@kizzyel
@cwldevo
@cwltweets
@roadimusprime
@ashlynking
@n_antoine
@the entire CWL crew!!

wake up

2009-11-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

Even though I don't want to, and roll out of bed
I have to thank the Lord for the opportunity, because I've been blessed
Not all have the chance, so I steady my nerves
swing out my legs, and prepare for the worst
then I let my feet connect, with the ground so cold
I yawn and stretch, man, this feeling never gets old
Slowly stand on my feet, grab the wall for added measure
even if we hate getting out of bed .. having LIFE .. is a treasure.

Love

2009-11-04T09:38:00.000-08:00

The love that she exudes oozes through my soul
wraps its hands around my mind
and tantalizes me with the stories that it's told

I love this woman, with all my heart and every breath
I breathe the breath of her essence in my chest

God I've been blessed, with someone who makes my day worthwhile
Someone who makes me feel so special
and who carries so much style

When my times were troubled, there she was to save me
and bring me to the path of God
re-establish the love of we

She .. held my hand through my many troubled times
guided me so gently, as if .. it was her OWN mind
To define a dime, in the way of the hood truth
she'd be that infinite-fold, with all the things that she could
.. do

I love her .. I trust her with all my heart
She brought me back to the path of God
now all it takes is for me to start
All the .. anguish inside, that bubbles and bursts
the scabs on my knees from the prayers I thought weren't heard
Inside her she took them, and spit them back out
I love this Queen so much, with that, there is no doubt

Renee you're my love, you've brought meaning to my life
And now with titles changed, I'm blessed that you're my wife.

I love you.

Today

2009-11-03T14:56:00.000-08:00

Today was just another day, a day like any other day
except in the way that today happened to unfold and play
frustrations with work constantly becoming a buzz
to quit reaches my mind while it's lost in its fuzz
Static, rational thought waves subdued
in comes the calamity with more idiocy in pursuit
I reach for my hair to try and pluck it from my head
yet I have none to pull, so I start to pick at my nails instead
Frustrations released, this job makes me nuts
I know I should be grateful, but geez, this job really sucks
Only a short time longer, bear it, I must endure
because I'm reaching for a better future, with my wifes presence constantly in store
So I rant and I rave, and I fume out the top
it's one way to release, and helps the foolishness stop
I look back on the years, and time vested is true
so when finally I leave, the frustrations will have paid due
With Gods words I am calmed, and can now address my day
His arms embrace my soul, and calm it in only HIS way.

Sleep

2009-11-02T19:05:00.001-08:00

I want to. I shall.

God

2009-11-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

While I don't know you like I know I should know you
just know that I want to get to know you how I should know you
You exist, I know you do, and you know that I know you do
sometimes I just don't do what I know I should do when it comes to knowing you.
You have given me so much, and I know that you have done it
Sometimes I just find it so rough, need to find the time to really sit
Listen
this is your intermission
you've told me to believe
and you've sent me on a mission
I've struggled so much, with all my pains of the past
and you know of my struggles and why I've held on to this wrath
I've cried so many nights, and asked if you were real
because of all the lies and complex emotions that I would feel
The deception of so many churches, the guise of their agendas
all beckoning me to join and to indulge in their haciendas
With my adventures of the past, I thought you'd never forgive
that you hated me, you loathed me, that I had to live with my sins
That you'd turned your back on me, because I didn't do as I was told
that because I took my time, that my soul had really been sold
Cried so many nights, tears streaking down my face
felt like a fallen angel, living my life in such disgrace
I rejected you so much, because it just didn't make sense
I wanted your grace so bad, but felt you'd already taken offense
So I sat and I pondered, and lived my life in painful thought
but deep in my heart, I'd known I'd already been bought
Sold my soul to the worldly things, when it doesn't belong
It was yours, and yours only .. I've known it all along
And now there she sat, yes, with her own struggles too
but you brought us together .. I guess you knew we were fools
Hah, you make me laugh with your constant way of showing
but us two fools took so long to see .. without even knowing
You brought her around, and gave her your shine
and now with her so bright .. I'm slowly regaining mine

Love God .. Love life.

She is

2009-11-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

She is
the reason that I can smile
the reason that my days are full of light and that I feel they are worthwhile
She is
the moon that helps me see my way at night
She is
the morning sun that shines it light so bright
She is
the one who brought me back, on the road to talk to God
She is
my one and only, my love, my heart .. the one who leaves me awed

Her

2009-11-02T18:26:00.000-08:00

The way she took me from the darkness and brought me to the light
simple random blurbs that she spoke to me at night
As I .. thought that I would be alone and wander around in the dark
she came out of her slumber and in the stillness became my spark
She is love
My faith in mankind finally renewed
within her small delicate frame I found that my angers were subdued
Like the waves crashing against the shore, so did she confront my wall of fears
and just as the water erodes the land, she wore away at my pains and took away the tears
Who .. else .. can .. make me feel the way that she does
Beyond God, nobody, and that's why she is the bearer of my love.