Monday, January 25, 2010

Hold me

Latch on ..
and don't ever let go
grow with me so that the seeds we want to plant can be sown
shown, known to the unknowns within our own abilities
the chance to bloom on this world
and to share our stories with such realty
The reality, is at times we lose trust in our way
it happens unbeknownst to us
this sudden rush that's about to make us sway
Wihtout thought, we push ourselves to the back of the bus
logic failed
and compels us to say things sus ..
so suspended .. away from all the things that hurt
we can alienate the negative feelings
and bring this right back to the dirt
the soil, very foundation from which we rise
held tightly in your arms
and begin our lives anew with no more guise
looking into your eyes
felt tightly be your love
your embrace helps me grow
when the compacted dirt seems to be too rough
as we hatch, from that seed into a plant
we break through the soil and reach our limbs out like a branch
to you Lord
we reach to you and seek your word
your guidance helps us grow
to that redwood tree amongst the herd
the pillar ..
a sense of solidity that others look to for strength
so hold me as I hold you
and let's regain all of our backwards length

RAOK

Random acts of Kindness .. or RAOK
even when something minor
helps me get through the day
Just one little blurb, is all it will take
to have the worst day
suddenly do a retake
I do the best I can, and I can do the best
it just takes a little effort
and remembering that I'm blessed
Sitting here in bed, I remember all the chances
when if it wasn't for God
my life would have already dropped all its glances
Eyes closed, with no more breath left in my lungs
I'm sorry to have disappointed you Lord
on the wrong things I was hung
up on .. so upon my rebirth I entrust to you
these random acts of kindness
to hopefully help others also .. get through ..
to you

Intentions

What do you, intend to do, when these people show their colors in true?
Walk away, or face and stay, to bring sunshine to their lives each day?
I wonder why, so many try, and seem to always fail
Makes no sense, without pretense, the tragedy that lay in suspense

I have so few people in my life, that I try to cherish the ones that I do
though at times I have failed, and I know that it's pale, but trust me when I say to you
You're my friends, you're my pals, you're the people who keep me sane
You're the strength I can depend on when my roots are soiled with too much rain
In, West Philadelphia, born and raised, on a playground is where I spent most of my days ..
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' .. wait .. that's the Fresh Prince jingle .. my bad
Born and raised in Queens, then moved out the Island
constantly back and forth, and in younger days I would be whillin'
Acting a fool, and doing things I know I shouldn't
but my friends stayed my side, and without them I really couldn't
have regained .. the me I truly longed to be
While I questioned their intentions now I know that I am free
of the thoughts .. because I know it's a genuine care
we just pray the best for each other even when we don't say it in ear
Intentions intended with only the intent of the intended
I never thought that I would miss yall, as pillars that I depended
on .. but even when gone I know you're close
like by extension of finger to face, and placed squarely on the nose
Right before my eyes, just have to look and there you are
it brings solace to my heart knowing that you will emotionally not be far
So now with your intentions known as pure, I can lay my head down in ease
because I know your words intentions, and it sincerely makes me cheese

Walking down ..
this path that I really don't know
Something so new to me that I have to endure it while I grow
The pains and pangs, that so slowly chew away at my heart
have to be braved and trampled on
until the healing can begin to start
As I purse my lips to the mouthpiece of my brass
I inhale all the negativity that I've accumulated up till the last
Moisten my lips, and slowly I close my eyes
drown out the world as I prepare to play my life
Out comes the breath, with such force and disclosure
A"s, B's, and C's, belt out of my Baritone with no composure
Then to E's, and F's .. and the G's even too
Low notes slowly sooth out as the melody takes its tune
playing out the story of my life, with tears streaking down my face
letting go of the past and firmly putting it in its place
clearing the spit valve as I continue with my song
wondering why I've held back this pain for oh so long
Why ..
what was the purpose of this story?
why did it take so long to play it out in all it's glory?
No fingers, valve 1, valve 2, valve 1&3
valve 2&3, valve 3, you know, just to be complete
random notes, but somehow they echo my life so pure
exemplary perfection is my songs final perfect score

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Reality Slip

It's with tears in my eyes by no surprise that I lift the guise and tend to the lies
Intertwine the vine that wraps around my spine into my core and deviates when it finds
the thin line veiled, unveiled only for purposes not yet known the ones who failed
tempted temptress, possessor of all evil intent indeed
mounted troubles grow and pressure on shoulders pushes down past your feet
weighing you down in the troubles, as you get swallowed into the epicenter of its wake
the void filled only with darkness, like a blackhole in your heart is at stake
or in jeopardy .. either or it makes no difference
it's the repetition of the innocence that fouls my injectors with its insistence
A good man standing tall through all things told to him, and troubles he's faced
only to feel like no matter what pains he passes, his faith is misplaced
on my knees begging the Lord to please help me, see me through this pain
tears filled in my eyes and still I can't find ground to regain
problems are always mine, pain only known to me
like the docter with the mallet, silently but forcefully tapping your knee
"Did that hurt?" he asks, with a puzzled look on his face
"It hurts every time dude", as the tears from my eyes are displaced
I grab at my chest, and feel my heart beating a millions time over the pace
I try to calm down, but feel like an addict who missed his turn in place
I'm jittery, jumpy, I'm all over the room
I'm up and I'm down, I'm just not in the mood
I cry and I tear, I sulk and I slump
I beg and I plead, for God to help me up
fallen so many times, and at times I really feel that God doesn't care for me
that I've done something to wrong him, and happiness he refuses for me, Richie
eyes turned red, as the floodgates turn loose
I speed and I weave, as my car throttle control will steadily smooths

Dark nights, filled no longer with headlights
no light to be seen, so it's literally driving blind in fright
feel like there are others around me, but no ambient light to be had
so I clutch my steering wheel and I get even more mad
Angry like the little child refused that silly toy
so I sit and I sulk, for the world to pass by as they enjoy ..
the things that I wish I could have, but it's seeming I can't
so I turn to my emotions, and I post on my rant
I've wronged God I'm sure, because he loves making me cry
I didn't pray enough, didn't go to church enough .. I need a reason why
Why can't I be happy .. why must pain seep into my heart
why do I sit here crying while others aren't nearly so torn apart
Why can't I find God, why can't I enjoy your grace
am I just entirely such a sinner, that I am no longer saved?
Into the depths of the alley, I creep and I lay
holding my head down without your glory, and it seems as though there I stay
I've tried to find you Lord, I've tried to correct my wayward life
I just don't know how anymore, so I sit here with my veins and a knife
Not a physical knife, in the shape of a blade
but a knife in the shape of faith, because it seems the strings are now frayed
teetering on the edge, of happiness and sorrow
it seems I always get the latter, day after day, yesterday and tomorrow
I don't know if I'm saved ..
I don't know if I'm loved
I don't know your true glory
I need more than a shove
my heart cries right now for your guidance, I need an Angel so much right now
please God, I beg you .. someway .. somehow
I'm miserable every day, I wake up and I'm cold
I cry silently to myself, because your glory I can't behold
I'm left behind all alone .. pondering seriously where I went wrong
I feel like I find you at times, but you don't stay with me for too long
Lost in the crowd, I'm the 5 year old in New York City
so many happy faces passing by, yet it feels like nobody has pity
no kind hand to grasp, no police-man to show me the way
I've fallen off of the righteous path, and I feel I'm drifting more each day
Crying .. crying .. crying my eyes so pure
I don't know what to do, or how to explore
the kingdom that is yours .. I really just don't know
I miss you ..
I miss you ..
but just really .. I don't know


"Where do I go from here?" I think as I grab my keys
I just need to get out .. I'm begging you please
Wasting gas is a must .. as being in the silence is to much
slide the key out my pocket, open the door, sit, engage the clutch
Key in the ignition ..
turn it to on
hear the starter crank
then the motors runs strong
Watch the RPMs, as they sit at 1200
think to myself .. "God doesn't love you, sorry, you're alone kid"
Slowly idles drop, as the secondary air injection pump shuts down
idle steady at 900, engage reverse, and turn up the sound
back up a couple feet, then I open the gate
walk back to my car, and make sure my tires are properly inflated
back out of the gate, being mindful of traffic
hah, even though I'm so depressed, I don't want my end to be so tragic
park on the edge, then close the gate back
hop back in my car, now for the plan of attack
straight down the block ..
a right
then a left.
Come to the stop sign .. look .. then dip around the cleft
Another right, then a left .. straight to parkway in sight
cross over the bridge, and then call it a night
Feeling the gears engage as I let off the clutch
pouring my heart out to my car, and feeling it's emotions in such a rush
Having our hour long conversation, talking me through the pain
to finally reach my destination, and finally put an end to this sudden rain


Now on to bigger things, things that reveal the true reason behind the flight
the reasons why I'm posting this at 9 o'clock at night
It's the happiness that is gone, and the longing for the Lord
for God to embrace me fully, and tell me his joys I can afford
as I sit here I cry .. I cry and grab my chest
I love you God .. please love me
Please .. please. I beg you my Lord. I want ..
no.
I need .. to be blessed.
so I rest.

Friday, January 8, 2010

err

I'd actually wanted to post more, but I got caught up at work and lost my train of thought. :( .. Meh .. oh well!

Our Love

The way that our love feels is like ..
that feeling you get when you see your grandmothers smile
so deep and warm into the depth of your being
that all seeing and never depleting feeling that's constantly reeling
and congealing into something that's persistent in its meaning
She makes me feel warm in the coldest of cold
slowly caressing my body with her words, embracing me with things she says
tenderly tracing the outline of my body with her idioms from toe to head
And instead, I feel her heart beat slowly as we snuggle up for bed
all my roads in life finally brought me to the one I should be led
Chocolate skin, deep love filled eyes ..
heart full of joy and pain, yet all we do .. to no surprise
is speak about the future which we know we're destined for great
slowly sit back and relate the things we know that we can't change
God has a plan, so we let it unfold as the plot
of that late 60's movie with the bad guy and the cop
Deep hues of black and white, saturate the crimson night
frame by frame motion as the plot thickens in its might
bam, zam, kaboom, kapow!
Our love breaks down all barriers and transcends them with ease on brow
mmm ..
finger lickin goood ..
man .. I love our love with love
this love reminds me of being hurt as a child, but getting right back up
with my mothers tender kiss, the pain slowly eases away ..
and entranced once more by the joy that has broken through the pain
While we have our ups and downs, our tender kisses heal our wounds
like the loving parents adore, by rubbing the stomach when a baby is in the womb