Deep

Slowly going deeper

Looking into the things that have formed me in the past

Trying to get passed my past

This weather forecast predicts rain

As the dams of my eyes break

The floods come rushing

Looking for the revelation

The opportunity to claw my way up

As the earth keeps falling back to fill the hole

Sky turns a brilliant blue

Birds chirp their enthusiasm at my attempt to come free

Free from the bondage

No more shackles

No more chains

No more bondage

I am free

Standing atop the ground

Looking at the pit which I once called my home

I realize the journey hasn't even fully begun

Each step leads to another step

Roadblocks may come to hinder progression

But the lesson is not in regression

It's in getting passed those obstacles

With your eyes clear and steady on the prize

On the goal

Jesus.

We keep walking to follow you

You don't punish us for falling

You embrace us when we get up

So easy to sit and wallow

That leads to sinking in your own tears

Stand up and fight

Move your feet forward

Keep marching

Keep .. marching

Breakthrough

Just ..
waiting for the time to finally break through
The ..
moment to fully realize the potential
Look to the sky, see it shine
stars and moon aligned
and in due time
find the rhythm that I can call mine
Fleeting moments of sadness
encompassed by torrents of joy and happiness
Walking the positive walk, no longer hovering like a hawk
Real talk
Empowered
I have the power
Sun shines growth on flowers
Never to cower
I shower
The entire globe with my love spread wide
Wings splayed open with nothing more to hide
Lusts and indulgences put aside
Cast away along with stupid pride
In stride
walking a better walk
Ears cleaned and ready to listen to God talk

Bed

Off to sleep while I silently weep

Praying prayers for the lost as they face a new week

Hear me

Now listen .. no time for repetition
the precision in the mission is like nuclear fission
an explosion .. knowing time is golden
beholding the notion that was lost in the commotion
I'm open letting all these people see me
part to the past that lead to the deceiving
I'm breathing, seething, tears start streaming
bleeding sweat in thought, my minds still dreaming
believing, an omnipotent being
I can't see you but I'm still fearful without seeing
perpetual love, from my daddy above
always watching over me especially when times got rough
I turned my back, even times I talked smack
hit me with the force to knock my moral train off track
I was derailed, impaled my negative thoughts
changed the wheels, same tires, so the nail was still caught
I'm runnin' on flats, no spare left in the trunk
convoluted emotions filtered with a layer of junk
then I drop to knees, tears streaming down my face
floodgates to my eyes broke loose an gave chase

Society - unfinished

People now a days are struggling with they strife
not realizin' perpetuation stays in the sight
But at night it's like
everything is lookin shady
corners littered with children holdin' they own babies
At the age of 9 I was fine
grew a little older and felt the emptiness in my mind
start expandin .. something I couldn't imagine
partially grasped the gist but not the full understandin
so I wandered, squandered, lost in the fog
trusting societies perception of God
That was wrong, but I didn't know better
How could I trust in God when I had more faith in my beretta
Watching people around me, all failing profoundly
while they to surround me with their ignorance abounding
I was bounded, confounded, an so astounded
by my own inadequacy that was so seemingly founded
I found it..

I was so alone, finding my solace in poems
writing lyrics reaching out for something that I didn't know
being told .. I was stagnant could never grow
felt life was cold, and that's as far as it would ever go
And then one day, something really simple changed my life
Saw the shine an thought my life would be ended by knife
went threw my skin, but the pain didn't begin
went out of my mind, grabbed the knife and stuck it in him
when I got back home, and then it was known
Thought I wasn't harmed till I saw the gash on my arm
it was the dead of the night, so I thought it was alright
woke up the next morning faced with a lingering plight
my life now suddenly seeming to have more meaning
Couldn't ignore the truth when my wound was still gleaming
it's beaming, such a radiant shine ..
could have been worse if I hadn't moved my body in time
guess it's time ..

Tears

Tears slide down my face with a relative path
guided by gravity and my sorrows from past
carving a way, down my ebony skin
leaving trails of sadness to let the healing begin
Salt deposits felt, so time to scrub my face
I'm just tired, so I yawned .. oops, was this poem out of place?

:)

Forged Heart

To live to love
to love to live
to give to take
to take to give
I live this life
I give this life
I love this life
He touched .. this life
Feeling blessed, as though I need no longer worry
excitedly grab my papers in my bookbag in a hurry
Scrub my face, rush out the door
Poptart in my mouth as I plop on the floor
Pull out my pens, my paper, my notes
stick my tongue out to the side as I'm bursting with hope
Eyes open wide, glistening with youthful joy
ears properly cleaned to navigate the canals in his hoy
Weighed down by the knowledge that just keeps on growing
Raise my hand eager to show that my learnings weren't plateauing
As I'm called I stand, and tidy my bow ..
"I've forged my heart with God .. so I'm good .. ya know?"

Ya boi!

Sometimes

Sometimes don't know which way to go
tossed and turned lost amiss the turbulent flow
Lefts and rights, gazed in the maze
eyes waxed over as the subtleties get phased ..
out
Iron out the kinks
losing identity to the masses and being restricted from think..
ing
Turning into a monotonous drone
A clone of those who are prone to all the things that the Lord doesn't condone

Look at the sky
wonder why the hues are so deep
Saturated with goodness as we flock to be his sheep
guidance .. and reassurance of the land
keeps us pressing forward to the given task we have at hand
Losing ones identity in who they are to be from the Lord
is something quite troubling, and something that strikes a chord

You .. you think you know better than the creator?
The one who is smooth like velvet, the original debater?
Much of a debate it isn't, as you could never find the words
to suppress his incredible love and knowledge filled inside of ears of verbs
Like the corn splits, so do our shells
exposing our soft insides that we often try to sell
Black market ..
Giving up what God gave us as our gift
the very life that Jesus died to save, and thus creating a rift
Our differing view to what we believe God has planned
as though true ideals of justice could ever be based off Man

Don't forget who God made you to be, the reason for your call
the embodiment of Jesus Christ our Lord, the rock that never falls
When help is needed, just stretch out a hand
he's always reaching out for you, our tender loving father helps us stand
adversity all around, our brothers and sisters unite
grasping our other hand and slip into the night
Shining our lights into the darkest of hearts
inserting Gods wisdom back where it was always from the start

Collapsed minds lose themselves to the insanity that's a foreign object
Tool of the enemy placed inside to try to make us forget and defect
We are prefects, and as precursors to his love
comes the removal of our burdens, the weights gone .. above

Why

Why is it that we feel the way we feel at times
in line with rhymes that feel like pelted dimes
Often wonder, the depth of blunders
shake and quake like the Earth inner layers down under
Something inside me growing, not knowing it's intent
unknown to be known, yet known that it's present in a sense
Welling up, I meditate on what it may be
praying that it's the opposite of latent negativity
Over come what has been, try to produce the not
begin with new beginnings, take a fated shot
So many emotions going on inside, after the border ride
skip jumped ship now just trying to quell the uneasiness inside
Huge move not seen by all
that transcends another state, and transfixes on the fall
Niagra, no longer simply up above
but now resides below, and it's something I must come to love
Can't and won't deny, that I'm missing my true home
the place where I was born and raised, the place I knew as my own
Sitting around, lazily all day, with nothing else to do
So I sit and I contemplate .. what if I had never left you
I do ..
I do.

quick

Internal decisions
without the minds permission
set back in remission
that the independence is in omission
..my mission
is to clearly expose the plot
the subdued thoughts once thought
channeled to be fully presented in the slot
the path to the present
the passage way to the world
outspoken through the mouth
and poured with humbleness unfurled
Pacing back and forth
inside my mind thoughts race
step back take a breath, relax
and let yourself be known in Gods grace
sometimes lose face
and in your lowest hit your high
in the acceptance that He loves you
even if you can't fully grasp why

Weirdness

Only she ..
can ..
fully grasp the depth that is me
the complete completion to the perfection that is we
All of our odd mannerisms, and behavioral traits
melted down and solidified into our emotional state
She rawks, I rawk, yeah, we rawk together
I'm up, She's up, above the turbulence, like a feather
She gets me, I get her, no matter how off the wall we seem
that mutual understanding, and all the hope it gleams
I pick the phone up to call, and then it starts to ring
I send her I love you, look at my phone, and see the same thing
Drive in the car, no destination in mind
just enjoying each others company, regardless of where we find
.. ourselves ..
never knew this could be true
the oddity to my oddity, the one to complete me .. who is you

Respectfully respecting the wishes we both had in the first
when our paths collided and gave birth to love in burst
Freeze frame ..
emotions looked at and dissected
reflected upon with intelligence and then mutually digested

Eagerly, I slowly await the day
when from a long days work, it's her arms I can finally lay
Like the moons gaze upon the night time sky
So is the way she brightens my darkness and without having to try

Never-the-less, she loves me .. quirks and all
the tiny strange habits I have, and she wraps them in a ball
Now inside this ball, she takes it into her own womb
to help nurture it and birth it, and remove it from it's tomb

Exiting the tomb, it becomes tenderly infused with her own

Easily creating the basis and foundation of this poem

.. so ..
when I think back, and look at just how odd I am
It puts a smile on my face, to see her beside me .. woman and man.

Love

With a love that transcends the distance
it's within our emotional persistence
that we dissipate any resistance
and hold the proof of our existence
Our love grows beyond the realm of conventional bounds
and expounds on the grounds that its foundation is perfectly sound
Her and I together, breaking through any given troubles
with our love holding us up and delivering us through the bubble
Gods graces, shows up transparent on our faces
and reflects the depth of our love within the deepest of places
Transmitted, within our love it's so requited
the beauty in this life is something that by God, is permitted
That smile of yours warms my heart on the coldest of days
and the solace of your touch keeps me sane in many ways.
Define beauty, and your picture appears next to the text
the personification of gorgeous, exemplified and flexed
exercised, and put through its random paces
You're my angel sent from heaven, and blessed to have your graces
You make my heart flutter, when you utter my name
You make my life complete, when you laid down the game
plan .. of where you wanted our life to be
and that's how I knew, at last, I was complete.

Hold me

Latch on ..
and don't ever let go
grow with me so that the seeds we want to plant can be sown
shown, known to the unknowns within our own abilities
the chance to bloom on this world
and to share our stories with such realty
The reality, is at times we lose trust in our way
it happens unbeknownst to us
this sudden rush that's about to make us sway
Wihtout thought, we push ourselves to the back of the bus
logic failed
and compels us to say things sus ..
so suspended .. away from all the things that hurt
we can alienate the negative feelings
and bring this right back to the dirt
the soil, very foundation from which we rise
held tightly in your arms
and begin our lives anew with no more guise
looking into your eyes
felt tightly be your love
your embrace helps me grow
when the compacted dirt seems to be too rough
as we hatch, from that seed into a plant
we break through the soil and reach our limbs out like a branch
to you Lord
we reach to you and seek your word
your guidance helps us grow
to that redwood tree amongst the herd
the pillar ..
a sense of solidity that others look to for strength
so hold me as I hold you
and let's regain all of our backwards length

RAOK

Random acts of Kindness .. or RAOK
even when something minor
helps me get through the day
Just one little blurb, is all it will take
to have the worst day
suddenly do a retake
I do the best I can, and I can do the best
it just takes a little effort
and remembering that I'm blessed
Sitting here in bed, I remember all the chances
when if it wasn't for God
my life would have already dropped all its glances
Eyes closed, with no more breath left in my lungs
I'm sorry to have disappointed you Lord
on the wrong things I was hung
up on .. so upon my rebirth I entrust to you
these random acts of kindness
to hopefully help others also .. get through ..
to you

Intentions

What do you, intend to do, when these people show their colors in true?
Walk away, or face and stay, to bring sunshine to their lives each day?
I wonder why, so many try, and seem to always fail
Makes no sense, without pretense, the tragedy that lay in suspense

I have so few people in my life, that I try to cherish the ones that I do
though at times I have failed, and I know that it's pale, but trust me when I say to you
You're my friends, you're my pals, you're the people who keep me sane
You're the strength I can depend on when my roots are soiled with too much rain
In, West Philadelphia, born and raised, on a playground is where I spent most of my days ..
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' .. wait .. that's the Fresh Prince jingle .. my bad
Born and raised in Queens, then moved out the Island
constantly back and forth, and in younger days I would be whillin'
Acting a fool, and doing things I know I shouldn't
but my friends stayed my side, and without them I really couldn't
have regained .. the me I truly longed to be
While I questioned their intentions now I know that I am free
of the thoughts .. because I know it's a genuine care
we just pray the best for each other even when we don't say it in ear
Intentions intended with only the intent of the intended
I never thought that I would miss yall, as pillars that I depended
on .. but even when gone I know you're close
like by extension of finger to face, and placed squarely on the nose
Right before my eyes, just have to look and there you are
it brings solace to my heart knowing that you will emotionally not be far
So now with your intentions known as pure, I can lay my head down in ease
because I know your words intentions, and it sincerely makes me cheese

Walking down ..
this path that I really don't know
Something so new to me that I have to endure it while I grow
The pains and pangs, that so slowly chew away at my heart
have to be braved and trampled on
until the healing can begin to start
As I purse my lips to the mouthpiece of my brass
I inhale all the negativity that I've accumulated up till the last
Moisten my lips, and slowly I close my eyes
drown out the world as I prepare to play my life
Out comes the breath, with such force and disclosure
A"s, B's, and C's, belt out of my Baritone with no composure
Then to E's, and F's .. and the G's even too
Low notes slowly sooth out as the melody takes its tune
playing out the story of my life, with tears streaking down my face
letting go of the past and firmly putting it in its place
clearing the spit valve as I continue with my song
wondering why I've held back this pain for oh so long
Why ..
what was the purpose of this story?
why did it take so long to play it out in all it's glory?
No fingers, valve 1, valve 2, valve 1&3
valve 2&3, valve 3, you know, just to be complete
random notes, but somehow they echo my life so pure
exemplary perfection is my songs final perfect score

Reality Slip

It's with tears in my eyes by no surprise that I lift the guise and tend to the lies
Intertwine the vine that wraps around my spine into my core and deviates when it finds
the thin line veiled, unveiled only for purposes not yet known the ones who failed
tempted temptress, possessor of all evil intent indeed
mounted troubles grow and pressure on shoulders pushes down past your feet
weighing you down in the troubles, as you get swallowed into the epicenter of its wake
the void filled only with darkness, like a blackhole in your heart is at stake
or in jeopardy .. either or it makes no difference
it's the repetition of the innocence that fouls my injectors with its insistence
A good man standing tall through all things told to him, and troubles he's faced
only to feel like no matter what pains he passes, his faith is misplaced
on my knees begging the Lord to please help me, see me through this pain
tears filled in my eyes and still I can't find ground to regain
problems are always mine, pain only known to me
like the docter with the mallet, silently but forcefully tapping your knee
"Did that hurt?" he asks, with a puzzled look on his face
"It hurts every time dude", as the tears from my eyes are displaced
I grab at my chest, and feel my heart beating a millions time over the pace
I try to calm down, but feel like an addict who missed his turn in place
I'm jittery, jumpy, I'm all over the room
I'm up and I'm down, I'm just not in the mood
I cry and I tear, I sulk and I slump
I beg and I plead, for God to help me up
fallen so many times, and at times I really feel that God doesn't care for me
that I've done something to wrong him, and happiness he refuses for me, Richie
eyes turned red, as the floodgates turn loose
I speed and I weave, as my car throttle control will steadily smooths

Dark nights, filled no longer with headlights
no light to be seen, so it's literally driving blind in fright
feel like there are others around me, but no ambient light to be had
so I clutch my steering wheel and I get even more mad
Angry like the little child refused that silly toy
so I sit and I sulk, for the world to pass by as they enjoy ..
the things that I wish I could have, but it's seeming I can't
so I turn to my emotions, and I post on my rant
I've wronged God I'm sure, because he loves making me cry
I didn't pray enough, didn't go to church enough .. I need a reason why
Why can't I be happy .. why must pain seep into my heart
why do I sit here crying while others aren't nearly so torn apart
Why can't I find God, why can't I enjoy your grace
am I just entirely such a sinner, that I am no longer saved?
Into the depths of the alley, I creep and I lay
holding my head down without your glory, and it seems as though there I stay
I've tried to find you Lord, I've tried to correct my wayward life
I just don't know how anymore, so I sit here with my veins and a knife
Not a physical knife, in the shape of a blade
but a knife in the shape of faith, because it seems the strings are now frayed
teetering on the edge, of happiness and sorrow
it seems I always get the latter, day after day, yesterday and tomorrow
I don't know if I'm saved ..
I don't know if I'm loved
I don't know your true glory
I need more than a shove
my heart cries right now for your guidance, I need an Angel so much right now
please God, I beg you .. someway .. somehow
I'm miserable every day, I wake up and I'm cold
I cry silently to myself, because your glory I can't behold
I'm left behind all alone .. pondering seriously where I went wrong
I feel like I find you at times, but you don't stay with me for too long
Lost in the crowd, I'm the 5 year old in New York City
so many happy faces passing by, yet it feels like nobody has pity
no kind hand to grasp, no police-man to show me the way
I've fallen off of the righteous path, and I feel I'm drifting more each day
Crying .. crying .. crying my eyes so pure
I don't know what to do, or how to explore
the kingdom that is yours .. I really just don't know
I miss you ..
I miss you ..
but just really .. I don't know


"Where do I go from here?" I think as I grab my keys
I just need to get out .. I'm begging you please
Wasting gas is a must .. as being in the silence is to much
slide the key out my pocket, open the door, sit, engage the clutch
Key in the ignition ..
turn it to on
hear the starter crank
then the motors runs strong
Watch the RPMs, as they sit at 1200
think to myself .. "God doesn't love you, sorry, you're alone kid"
Slowly idles drop, as the secondary air injection pump shuts down
idle steady at 900, engage reverse, and turn up the sound
back up a couple feet, then I open the gate
walk back to my car, and make sure my tires are properly inflated
back out of the gate, being mindful of traffic
hah, even though I'm so depressed, I don't want my end to be so tragic
park on the edge, then close the gate back
hop back in my car, now for the plan of attack
straight down the block ..
a right
then a left.
Come to the stop sign .. look .. then dip around the cleft
Another right, then a left .. straight to parkway in sight
cross over the bridge, and then call it a night
Feeling the gears engage as I let off the clutch
pouring my heart out to my car, and feeling it's emotions in such a rush
Having our hour long conversation, talking me through the pain
to finally reach my destination, and finally put an end to this sudden rain


Now on to bigger things, things that reveal the true reason behind the flight
the reasons why I'm posting this at 9 o'clock at night
It's the happiness that is gone, and the longing for the Lord
for God to embrace me fully, and tell me his joys I can afford
as I sit here I cry .. I cry and grab my chest
I love you God .. please love me
Please .. please. I beg you my Lord. I want ..
no.
I need .. to be blessed.
so I rest.

err

I'd actually wanted to post more, but I got caught up at work and lost my train of thought. :( .. Meh .. oh well!

Our Love

The way that our love feels is like ..
that feeling you get when you see your grandmothers smile
so deep and warm into the depth of your being
that all seeing and never depleting feeling that's constantly reeling
and congealing into something that's persistent in its meaning
She makes me feel warm in the coldest of cold
slowly caressing my body with her words, embracing me with things she says
tenderly tracing the outline of my body with her idioms from toe to head
And instead, I feel her heart beat slowly as we snuggle up for bed
all my roads in life finally brought me to the one I should be led
Chocolate skin, deep love filled eyes ..
heart full of joy and pain, yet all we do .. to no surprise
is speak about the future which we know we're destined for great
slowly sit back and relate the things we know that we can't change
God has a plan, so we let it unfold as the plot
of that late 60's movie with the bad guy and the cop
Deep hues of black and white, saturate the crimson night
frame by frame motion as the plot thickens in its might
bam, zam, kaboom, kapow!
Our love breaks down all barriers and transcends them with ease on brow
mmm ..
finger lickin goood ..
man .. I love our love with love
this love reminds me of being hurt as a child, but getting right back up
with my mothers tender kiss, the pain slowly eases away ..
and entranced once more by the joy that has broken through the pain
While we have our ups and downs, our tender kisses heal our wounds
like the loving parents adore, by rubbing the stomach when a baby is in the womb